After my wife gave birth, I asked the doctor how long it would be until we could have sex.
He said “I get done at 7 PM, meet me out back.”
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Category: Jokes
I used to have an epileptic goldfish. He was ok as long as I didn’t take him out of his bowl.
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Viagra + Parrot
A parrot swallows one of his owner’s Viagra tablets. His owner is disgusted, puts him in the freezer for 30 minutes to cool off.
Later when he opens the freezer door, he finds the parrot sweating. “Why are you sweating?” he asks.
The parrot replies, “Do you know how hard it is to open the legs of a frozen chicken?”
My wife came up to me the other day and said “Do these jeans make me look fat?”
I said “Do you promise not to get mad at me no matter what I say?”
“Yes”
“Okay, I fucked your sister.”
What do you call a fear of giants?
Feefiphobia!
I called a couple people hipsters and they got mad at me. They like to be called conjoined twins instead.
There are 6.02×10^23 guacas in a guacamole. That is Avacados Number.
What do you call a hippie’s wide?
Mississippi.
Today I changed a lightbulb, crossed a street, and walked into a bar.
My life is such a joke.
Did you hear about the guy who dipped his private parts on glitter?
It’s pretty nuts!