I went to McDonald’s today and ordered 2 large french fries. They messed up and gave me like 75 regular sized french fries.
Category: Jokes
Categories
Sex Position
The best sex position is called wow.
It’s when I flip your mom over!
Categories
Jokes Can Hurt People
A few days ago I was talking to some friends, and friends of those friends, at the bar.
I decided to break the ice with these new friends with a few jokes, most of them went down very well. Until I decided to tell a few more offensive jokes. I picked the worst possible one to start off with.
Here is the joke I told; “What do you do if you see an epileptic having a fit in the bath?
Throw in your laundry in.”
One of the friends instantly became enraged and took a swing at me. When I ask him what his problem was he replied that his little brother had been epileptic and had died in the bath many years ago.
Obviously I was mortified as I had not known this. I said “I am so sorry to hear that. Did he drown?”
“No” replied the guy, “he choked on a sock.”
Categories
Child Birth
After my wife gave birth, I asked the doctor how long it would be until we could have sex.
He said “I get done at 7 PM, meet me out back.”
I used to have an epileptic goldfish. He was ok as long as I didn’t take him out of his bowl.
Categories
Viagra + Parrot
A parrot swallows one of his owner’s Viagra tablets. His owner is disgusted, puts him in the freezer for 30 minutes to cool off.
Later when he opens the freezer door, he finds the parrot sweating. “Why are you sweating?” he asks.
The parrot replies, “Do you know how hard it is to open the legs of a frozen chicken?”
My wife came up to me the other day and said “Do these jeans make me look fat?”
I said “Do you promise not to get mad at me no matter what I say?”
“Yes”
“Okay, I fucked your sister.”
What do you call a fear of giants?
Feefiphobia!
I called a couple people hipsters and they got mad at me. They like to be called conjoined twins instead.
There are 6.02×10^23 guacas in a guacamole. That is Avacados Number.