What’s the difference between an elephant and a grape.
One of them is a grape.
Tag: clean
My wife gave me some bad news today. She told me that my son is not actually mine.
She asked me to pay more attention at the school pickup line.
What do you call a can opener that’s broken?
Can’t opener
What did John Lennon and Yoko Ono say to their son Sean Lennon when he would not eat his vegetables?
All we are saying, is give peas a chance.
The adult version of “head, shoulders, knees, and toes” is “wallet, glasses, keys, and phone”
What do you call the first person standing in a line?
“Next!”
What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary?
A thesaurus.
What do you call a vampire whose car breaks down 5 miles from the blood bank?
A cab.
Saw this one on SpongeBob lol.
What language do cats speak?
Purrrrr-sian
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Grasshopper Walks Into a Bar
A grasshopper walks into a bar and takes a seat. The grasshopper says “man I’m really depressed”.
The bartender says “I have a drink named after you that should cheer you up!”
The grasshopper says “You have a drink named Fred!?!”