What did John Lennon and Yoko Ono say to their son Sean Lennon when he would not eat his vegetables?
All we are saying, is give peas a chance.
Category: Jokes
The adult version of “head, shoulders, knees, and toes” is “wallet, glasses, keys, and phone”
What do you call the first person standing in a line?
“Next!”
What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary?
A thesaurus.
What do you call a vampire whose car breaks down 5 miles from the blood bank?
A cab.
Saw this one on SpongeBob lol.
What language do cats speak?
Purrrrr-sian
Categories
Plastic Surgery
A sexually active woman tells her plastic surgeon that she wanted her vaginal lips reduced in size because they were too loose and floppy.
Out of embarrassment she insisted that the surgery be kept a secret and the surgeon agreed.
Awakening from the anesthesia after the surgery she found three roses carefully placed beside her on the bed. Outraged, she immediately calls in the doctor.
“I thought I asked you not to tell anyone about my operation!”
The surgeon told her he had carried out her wish for confidentiality and that the first rose was from him. “I felt sad because you went through this all by yourself.”
“The second rose is from my nurse. She assisted me in the surgery and empathized because she had had the same procedure done some time ago.”
“And what about the third rose?” she asked.
“That’s from a man upstairs in the burn unit. He wanted to thank you for his new ears.”
Categories
Grasshopper Walks Into a Bar
A grasshopper walks into a bar and takes a seat. The grasshopper says “man I’m really depressed”.
The bartender says “I have a drink named after you that should cheer you up!”
The grasshopper says “You have a drink named Fred!?!”
Categories
Lady Of The Night
A man looking for company hires a budget escort for $5. The next morning the man discovered he now has a case of the crabs.
The man confronts the lady and said ” you gave me crabs!”
The lady replied, “what did you want? Lobster?”
What do you call a house during a full moon?
A were-house