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Jokes

Eeeeeewww

What’s the difference between an oyster with epilepsy and a hooker with diarrhea?

One you shuck between fits, the other you….

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Jokes

Elephant

What’s the difference between an elephant and a grape.

One of them is a grape.

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Jokes

Bad News

My wife gave me some bad news today.  She told me that my son is not actually mine.

She asked me to pay more attention at the school pickup line.

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Jokes

Cans

What do you call a can opener that’s broken?

Can’t opener

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Jokes

Veggies

What did John Lennon and Yoko Ono say to their son Sean Lennon when he would not eat his vegetables?

All we are saying, is give peas a chance.

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Jokes

Kid Song

The adult version of “head, shoulders, knees, and toes” is “wallet, glasses, keys, and phone”

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Queue

What do you call the first person standing in a line?

“Next!”

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Jokes

Dinosaur

What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary?

A thesaurus.

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Jokes

Vampire

What do you call a vampire whose car breaks down 5 miles from the blood bank?

A cab.

Saw this one on SpongeBob lol.

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Jokes

Cats

What language do cats speak?

Purrrrr-sian