A blonde gets pulled over for speeding. The cop is also a blonde.
Cop: “Let me see your driver’s license.”
Driver: “What’s that?”
Cop: “A square thing with your picture on it.”
Blonde fumbles through her purse, finds a mirror, sees herself in it, and hands it to the cop.
Cop looks at it, hands it back and says, “I’m gonna let you go without a ticket. I didn’t know you were a cop.”
Month: June 2017
Categories
Melted Onions
Good lord, I need this inside me.
A man is washing his car with his son.
The son asks, “Dad, can’t you just use a sponge?”
Categories
Light bulb
How many midgets does it take to change a lightbulb?
One with a step-ladder. They’re short, not stupid.
A midget asks the librarian,”Do you have any books on midget discrimination?”
The librarian replies,”Top shelf”.
What do you call a dwarf in a tumble dryer?
A midget spinner.
“Excuse me,” I said to the woman sat in front of me on the bus, “You have some semen on the back of your jacket.”
“I’m sure it’s not semen,” she said, “It’s probably yogurt.”
“It’s definitely semen,” I said, “I don’t ejaculate yogurt.”
What rhymes with orange?
No it doesn’t.
Categories
Scuba Divers
Why do scuba divers fall backwards off of the boat?
Because if they fell forward, they’d still be on the boat.
Categories
Bear and Rabbit
A bear and a rabbit are taking a shit in the woods. At one point, the bear turns to the rabbit and says,
“Do you ever have problems with shit getting stuck in your fur?”
The rabbit looks at him, uncomfortably and says,
“…..no?”
So the bear wipes his ass with the rabbit.