I don’t want anymore kids, so I went to get a vasectomy. It didn’t work because the kids were still there when I got home.
Category: Jokes
My kids refused to eat the leftover tacos, so my wife asked me to throw them out.
I did. Now I have no idea what to do with the tacos.
Categories
Separation
My wife left me a note on the fridge that said “It’s not working. I’m leaving to stay at my parents house”
I called her and said “Please come home… The fridge works fine!”
A blonde gets a job as a high school physical education teacher. She notices a boy at the end of the field standing alone, while all the other kids are running around having fun kicking a ball. She takes pity on him and decides to speak to him.
‘You ok?’ she says.
‘Yes.’ he says.
‘You can go and play with the other kids you know’ she says.
‘It’s best I stay here.’ he says.
‘Why’s that sweetie?’ says the blonde.
The boy looks at her incredulously and says, “Because I’m the Goalie!”
Categories
Some guys walk into a bar…
A bunch of guys walk into a bar..
An Afghan, an Albanian, an Algerian, an American, an Andorran, an Angolan, an Antiguans, an Argentine, an Armenian, an Australian, an Austrian, an Azerbaijani, a Bahamian, a Bahraini, a Bangladeshi, a Barbadian, a Barbudans, a Batswanan, a Belarusian, a Belgian, a Belizean, a Beninese, a Bhutanese,
What does D.N.A. stand for?
National Dyslexia Association
What’s the difference between a child and a bag of coke?
Eric Clapton won’t let a bag of coke fall out a window.
I went to McDonald’s today and ordered 2 large french fries. They messed up and gave me like 75 regular sized french fries.
Categories
Sex Position
The best sex position is called wow.
It’s when I flip your mom over!
Categories
Jokes Can Hurt People
A few days ago I was talking to some friends, and friends of those friends, at the bar.
I decided to break the ice with these new friends with a few jokes, most of them went down very well. Until I decided to tell a few more offensive jokes. I picked the worst possible one to start off with.
Here is the joke I told; “What do you do if you see an epileptic having a fit in the bath?
Throw in your laundry in.”
One of the friends instantly became enraged and took a swing at me. When I ask him what his problem was he replied that his little brother had been epileptic and had died in the bath many years ago.
Obviously I was mortified as I had not known this. I said “I am so sorry to hear that. Did he drown?”
“No” replied the guy, “he choked on a sock.”