Optimist: the glass is 1/2 full
Pessimist: the glass is 1/2 empty
Excel: 2-Jan
Categories
Category: Jokes
Categories
A Gorilla Walks Into A Bar…
A gorilla walks into a bar and asks for a beer.
The bartender slides him a beer and says “That will be $11. We don’t get many gorillas coming in here.”
The gorilla says “With the prices you charge, I’m not surprised!”
Your mom is so short, when she went to the zoo, it was animal crackers!
I don’t want anymore kids, so I went to get a vasectomy. It didn’t work because the kids were still there when I got home.
My kids refused to eat the leftover tacos, so my wife asked me to throw them out.
I did. Now I have no idea what to do with the tacos.
Categories
Separation
My wife left me a note on the fridge that said “It’s not working. I’m leaving to stay at my parents house”
I called her and said “Please come home… The fridge works fine!”
A blonde gets a job as a high school physical education teacher. She notices a boy at the end of the field standing alone, while all the other kids are running around having fun kicking a ball. She takes pity on him and decides to speak to him.
‘You ok?’ she says.
‘Yes.’ he says.
‘You can go and play with the other kids you know’ she says.
‘It’s best I stay here.’ he says.
‘Why’s that sweetie?’ says the blonde.
The boy looks at her incredulously and says, “Because I’m the Goalie!”
Categories
Some guys walk into a bar…
A bunch of guys walk into a bar..
An Afghan, an Albanian, an Algerian, an American, an Andorran, an Angolan, an Antiguans, an Argentine, an Armenian, an Australian, an Austrian, an Azerbaijani, a Bahamian, a Bahraini, a Bangladeshi, a Barbadian, a Barbudans, a Batswanan, a Belarusian, a Belgian, a Belizean, a Beninese, a Bhutanese,
What does D.N.A. stand for?
National Dyslexia Association
What’s the difference between a child and a bag of coke?
Eric Clapton won’t let a bag of coke fall out a window.