What is something your wife can say that will make you happy and angry at the same time?
Your brother’s dick is smaller than yours.
Tag: dirty
Categories
Shipwrecked
A man is traveling on the sea when a storm blows and wrecks his ship. The man wakes up on the shore of a deserted island with only his loyal pet dog and a wild island pig.
After a month of not having a woman, the man starts to eye the pig. When he starts to caress the pig, the dog gets aggressive and starts to bite the man so he has to stop. A couple weeks later while the dog is sleeping he starts to try the pig again, but the dog wakes up and attacks him again.
A few weeks later, a beautiful blond woman washes ashore. The man is ecstatic and runs to the woman! He says “I need you to come here and hold this dog still!”
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Prostitute
A man comes home and the wife exclaims “I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU WENT TO A PROSTITUTE!”
The husband tries to explain himself “honey, we haven’t had sex in months I have urges.”
The wife says “I’m not mad about that, I didn’t know you were willing to pay!”
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Fridge and Butt
What’s the difference between a fridge and a woman’s butt?
The fridge doesn’t fart when you take the meat out.
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Coming of Age
My son is becoming curious about the female body.
I guess its time to hide it somewhere else.
What’s the difference between an oyster with epilepsy and a hooker with diarrhea?
One you shuck between fits, the other you….
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Plastic Surgery
A sexually active woman tells her plastic surgeon that she wanted her vaginal lips reduced in size because they were too loose and floppy.
Out of embarrassment she insisted that the surgery be kept a secret and the surgeon agreed.
Awakening from the anesthesia after the surgery she found three roses carefully placed beside her on the bed. Outraged, she immediately calls in the doctor.
“I thought I asked you not to tell anyone about my operation!”
The surgeon told her he had carried out her wish for confidentiality and that the first rose was from him. “I felt sad because you went through this all by yourself.”
“The second rose is from my nurse. She assisted me in the surgery and empathized because she had had the same procedure done some time ago.”
“And what about the third rose?” she asked.
“That’s from a man upstairs in the burn unit. He wanted to thank you for his new ears.”
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Lady Of The Night
A man looking for company hires a budget escort for $5. The next morning the man discovered he now has a case of the crabs.
The man confronts the lady and said ” you gave me crabs!”
The lady replied, “what did you want? Lobster?”
What do you call a female deer in a pickle patch?
Dilldoe
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Sex Position
The best sex position is called wow.
It’s when I flip your mom over!