My wife came up to me the other day and said “Do these jeans make me look fat?”
I said “Do you promise not to get mad at me no matter what I say?”
“Yes”
“Okay, I fucked your sister.”
Tag: short
What do you call a fear of giants?
Feefiphobia!
I called a couple people hipsters and they got mad at me. They like to be called conjoined twins instead.
There are 6.02×10^23 guacas in a guacamole. That is Avacados Number.
What do you call a hippie’s wide?
Mississippi.
Today I changed a lightbulb, crossed a street, and walked into a bar.
My life is such a joke.
Did you hear about the guy who dipped his private parts on glitter?
It’s pretty nuts!
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Crash position
Sometimes I tuck my knees into my chest and lean forward.
It’s how I roll 😎
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The gift that keeps on giving
If you want to give a friend a gift he is sure to love, give him a refrigerator and watch his face light up when he opens it.
What do you call a sleepwalking nun?
A roamin’ Catholic.