I don’t want anymore kids, so I went to get a vasectomy. It didn’t work because the kids were still there when I got home.
Tag: short
My kids refused to eat the leftover tacos, so my wife asked me to throw them out.
I did. Now I have no idea what to do with the tacos.
Categories
Separation
My wife left me a note on the fridge that said “It’s not working. I’m leaving to stay at my parents house”
I called her and said “Please come home… The fridge works fine!”
What does D.N.A. stand for?
National Dyslexia Association
What’s the difference between a child and a bag of coke?
Eric Clapton won’t let a bag of coke fall out a window.
I went to McDonald’s today and ordered 2 large french fries. They messed up and gave me like 75 regular sized french fries.
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Sex Position
The best sex position is called wow.
It’s when I flip your mom over!
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Child Birth
After my wife gave birth, I asked the doctor how long it would be until we could have sex.
He said “I get done at 7 PM, meet me out back.”
I used to have an epileptic goldfish. He was ok as long as I didn’t take him out of his bowl.
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Viagra + Parrot
A parrot swallows one of his owner’s Viagra tablets. His owner is disgusted, puts him in the freezer for 30 minutes to cool off.
Later when he opens the freezer door, he finds the parrot sweating. “Why are you sweating?” he asks.
The parrot replies, “Do you know how hard it is to open the legs of a frozen chicken?”