After my wife gave birth, I asked the doctor how long it would be until we could have sex.
He said “I get done at 7 PM, meet me out back.”
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Tag: dirty
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Viagra + Parrot
A parrot swallows one of his owner’s Viagra tablets. His owner is disgusted, puts him in the freezer for 30 minutes to cool off.
Later when he opens the freezer door, he finds the parrot sweating. “Why are you sweating?” he asks.
The parrot replies, “Do you know how hard it is to open the legs of a frozen chicken?”
My wife came up to me the other day and said “Do these jeans make me look fat?”
I said “Do you promise not to get mad at me no matter what I say?”
“Yes”
“Okay, I fucked your sister.”
Why doesn’t Santa have any children?
He only comes down the chimney!
Why did the snowman drop his pants?
He heard a snowblower coming!
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Little Blue Pill
My wife asked me to bring home some of those pills to help give me an erection. I brought her some diet pills.
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Dating the mailman
“Mom, I’m dating someone new.”
“Whom, sweetheart?”
“Mike the mailman.”
“Mike the mailman? But he could be your father!”
“But mom, age is just a number.”
“Sweetheart, I don’t think you understand….”
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Gene manipulation
What do you get when you mix Goat DNA and Human DNA?
Kicked out of the petting zoo.
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Funny Smell
Don’t you hate it when you’re driving along smoking a cigarette, you flick it out the window and you drive for a couple more miles and smell something funny and you look over onto the back seat and sure enough, grandma is fingering herself again.
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Girlfriend
My girlfriend said having a four inch penis is OK.
I still wish she didn’t have one.