My three favorite things are eating my family and not using commas.
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Tag: short
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Drug Store
Guy goes to the drugstore to buy a pack of rubbers. After paying for them, the cashier asks if he wants a bag.
The man says “Jeez that’s rude! These not that ugly!”
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Dating the mailman
“Mom, I’m dating someone new.”
“Whom, sweetheart?”
“Mike the mailman.”
“Mike the mailman? But he could be your father!”
“But mom, age is just a number.”
“Sweetheart, I don’t think you understand….”
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Pedestrian
I was crossing the street when I suddenly noticed my ex getting run over by a bus. I thought to myself, “Wow! That could have been me!”
Then I remembered I can’t drive a bus.
What is the difference between an Indian and African elephant?
One of them is an Indian.
My wife found out i was cheating on her after she found all the letters I was hiding.
She got so mad and said she’s never gonna play scrabble with me ever again.
What do you call a dentist who doesn’t like tea?
Denis.
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Baby Birds
If a bluebird has blue babies and a blackbird has black babies, what kind of bird has no babies?
A swallow!
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Unthinkable
How do you think the unthinkable?
With an itheberg.
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Gene manipulation
What do you get when you mix Goat DNA and Human DNA?
Kicked out of the petting zoo.