Man: “When I donate blood I do not extract it myself. A nurse does it for me.”
Receptionist: “Yes, but this is a sperm bank and it doesn’t work that way.”
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Tag: short
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Grief Counselor
My grief counselor died today.
Thankfully, he was so good that I don’t give a shit.
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Girlfriend
How can you tell if your girlfriend is getting too fat?
She fits in your wife’s clothes.
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Bad timing
What to you call it when you get a boner at a funeral?
Mourning wood.
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Dear Satan
Dear Satan, for Christmas I would like you to cure my dislexia.
Doctor: Well, it looks like you are pregnant.
Woman: Oh my God, I’m pregnant?!
Doctor: No, it just looks like you are.
I passed a kid on the street. He was sitting on the curb and dressed in rags.
II asked him, “Are you an orphan?
He replied, “Yes. What gave me away?
I said, “Your parents.”
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Flat Earth
The only thing flat earthers have to fear…is sphere itself!
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Wife in Labor
A guy calls the hospital. He says, “You gotta send help! My wife’s going into labor!”
The nurse says, “Calm down. Is this her first child?”
He says, “No! This is her husband!”
A dad is washing the car with his son.
After a moment, the son asks his father, “Do you think we could use a sponge instead?”