What’s the difference between humans and a bullet?
Humans miss John Lennon
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Blind Prostitute
I picked up this partially blind prostitute a few nights ago. She told me I was the biggest she’s had. I told her you’re pulling my leg.
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Whorehouse
What do you call children born in whorehouses?
Brothel sprouts.
I tried to share a bag of chips with a homeless person on the street.
He told me to fuck off and buy my own chips.
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Stormtroopers
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INXS – Don’t Change
One of my favorite songs
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Pink Floyd – Coming Back To Life
This is definitely my favorite “post Waters Floyd” song.
My wife yelled at me today saying, “You weren’t even listening just now, were you?!”
I thought, “Man, what a weird way to start a conversation.”
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The Bridge
A beautiful woman is standing on a bridge, looking over the side and thinking about jumping off.
A man walks up to her. She sees the man coming and says, “Go away! There’s nothing you can say to change my mind!”
He says, “Well, if you’re going to kill yourself anyway, why don’t we have sex? At least I’ll enjoy it.”
“Absolutely not! You’re disgusting!”, she replies.
The man turns and starts walking away.
“Is that all you’re going to say? You’re not going to try to convince me that life is worth living? Where are you going?”
“I have to make it down to the bottom. If I hurry, you’ll still be warm!”, he says.
As a kid,i used to lay in my twin bed wondering where my brother was.
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