Dear Satan, for Christmas I would like you to cure my dislexia.
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Category: Jokes
Doctor: Well, it looks like you are pregnant.
Woman: Oh my God, I’m pregnant?!
Doctor: No, it just looks like you are.
I passed a kid on the street. He was sitting on the curb and dressed in rags.
II asked him, “Are you an orphan?
He replied, “Yes. What gave me away?
I said, “Your parents.”
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Flat Earth
The only thing flat earthers have to fear…is sphere itself!
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Wife in Labor
A guy calls the hospital. He says, “You gotta send help! My wife’s going into labor!”
The nurse says, “Calm down. Is this her first child?”
He says, “No! This is her husband!”
A dad is washing the car with his son.
After a moment, the son asks his father, “Do you think we could use a sponge instead?”
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A Man Walks Into a Bar and Orders 3 Beers
A man walks into a bar and orders 3 beers. The bartender brings him the three beers, and the man proceeds to alternately sip one, then the other, then the third, until they’re gone.
He then orders three more and the bartender says, “Sir, I know you like them cold, so you can start with one, and I’ll bring you a fresh one as soon as you’re low.”
The man says, “You don’t understand. I have two brothers, one in Australia and one in the Ireland. We made a vow to each other that every Saturday night, we’d still drink together. So right now, my brothers have three beers, too, and we’re drinking together.”
The bartender thinks it’s a wonderful tradition, and every week he sets up the guy’s three beers. Then one week, the man comes in and orders only two. He drinks them and then orders two more. The bartender says sadly, “Knowing your tradition, I’d just like to just say that I’m sorry you’ve lost a brother.”
The man replies, “Oh, my brothers are fine — I just quit drinking.”
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Dinosaur Joke
Can a joke about dinosaurs make you laugh?
You bet jurassic can!
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Skinny Dipping
A priest and a rabbi are some nny dipping. All of the sudden, two busses pull up. Out of one pours the rabbi‘s congregation and out of the other pours the priest’s congregation.
Their clothes are on the other side of the lake, so they don’t have time to retrieve them. Both decide to just make a run for it.
The priest, running with his hands covering his genitals looks over and sees the rabbi running with his hands over his face. He says, “Rabbi! What are you doing?”
The rabbi says, “In my community, they recognize me by my face.”
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Farmer Interview
A reportedlr is interviewing a dairy Farmer about his
Interviewer: How much water do they drink a day?
Farmer: Which one? The Black one or the brown one?
Interviewer: Brown one.
Farmer: A couple of litres per day.
Interviewer: And the black one?
Farmer: A couple of litres per day.
Interviewer: I see. What do you give them to eat?
Farmer: Which one? Black or brown?
Interviewer: Black one.
Farmer: It eats grass.
Interviewer: And the other one?
Farmer: Grass.
Interviewer: Why do you keep asking which one when the answers are the same?
Farmer: Because the black one’s mine.
Interviewer: Oh, and the brown one?
Farmer: It’s also mine.