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Jokes

Yo mamma so fat

​Yo mamma so fat… I swerved my car to avoid hitting her and ran out of gas.

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Jokes

A gorilla walks into a bar…

​A gorilla goes into a bar and orders a martini. This totally amazes the bartender, but he thinks, “What the heck, I guess I might as well make the drink.” So he mixes the martini. He then walks back over to the give it to the gorilla, and the animal is holding out a twenty-dollar bill. Well, now the bartender is just at a loss for words. He can’t believe that a gorilla walked into his bar, ordered a martini, and then actually had a twenty-dollar bill to pay for it. 

So, in amazement, he takes the twenty and walks to the cash register to make the change. While he’s standing in front of the cash register he stops for a second and thinks to himself, “Let me try something here and see if the gorilla notices anything.” 
So he walks back over to the gorilla and hands him a dollar change. The gorilla doesn’t say anything, he just sits there sipping the martini. After a few minutes the bartender just can’t take it anymore. 
“You know,” he says to the gorilla, “we don’t get too many gorillas in here.” 
And the gorilla says, “At nineteen dollars a drink I’m not surprised.”

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Flowers

​A man brings some flowers home to his wife. She’s so surprised by his romantic gesture that she lays back on the dining table, throws her legs in the air and spreads them.

Her husband confused looks down and goes “What’s that for?”
His wife replies “For the flowers of course”
He thinks for a moment and asks “Don’t we have a vase?”

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Jokes

Chili

A guy sits down in a diner and asks for a bowl of hot chili. ​The waitress says, “Sorry, but the guy next to you got the last bowl”.

He looks over and sees that the guy’s finished his meal, but the bowl of chili is still full. He asks, “Are you going to eat that chili?”

The other guy says, “No. Help yourself”.

He slides the bowl of chili over and starts to eat. When he gets about half way down, his spoon hits something. He looks down sees a dead mouse and immediately pukes all the chili back into the bowl.

The other guy says, “Yeah, that’s about as far as I got, too”.

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Bears

​What do you call bears with no ears?

B

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Duck

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Wendy’s Beaver

Wendy’s beaver is so real and fresh!

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Jokes

A Racist Sign

crackers

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Jokes

Are Those Hot Dogs

Not everything you see on facebook is real. Think before you share.

hotdogs
found on reddit.

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Jokes

Pizza

​What’s the difference between a pizza and a hippy chick?

You don’t peel the crust off the pizza before you eat it!