At the pool today I peed in the deep end. The lifeguard noticed and blew his whistle soooo loud that it startled me and I almost fell into the pool!
Tag: short
How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh?
Ten tickles (tentacles)
What do you call a female deer in a pickle patch?
Dilldoe
Categories
Service Industry
If girls with big boobs work at Hooters, where do girls with one leg work?
IHOP
If a Lama with one L is a holy man in Tibet, and a Llama with two L’s is a camel type animal… What’s a three L Lama?
A big fire in Boston.
Where does a horse go when it’s sick?
The horse-pital
Categories
A Weasel Walks Into A Bar…
A weasel walks into a bar. The bartender says, “Wow, I’ve never served a weasel before.” “What can I get for you?”
“Pop” goes the weasel.
Categories
Giving Birth
A woman is giving birth. She pushes and pushes and finally the baby pops free. The doctor holds the baby up by its feet and declares, “it’s a handsome baby boy!”
He then punches it in the head, throws it against the wall and runs over and jumps on it with both feet.
The horrified mother screams, “my baby! You’re killing my baby!”
To which the doctor replies, “I’m just fucking with you. It was already dead.”
My doctor said I can play with myself anytime I want!
My wife tells me that’s not what “you could have a stroke at any moment” means.
A blonde woman visits her husband in prison. Before leaving, she tells a correction officer: “You shouldn’t make my husband work like that. He’s exhausted!”
The officer laughs and says, “Are you kidding? He just eats and sleeps and stays in his cell!”
The wife replies: “Bullsht! He just told me he’s been digging a tunnel for months!”