What do you call a hippie’s wide?
Mississippi.
Tag: clean
Today I changed a lightbulb, crossed a street, and walked into a bar.
My life is such a joke.
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Crash position
Sometimes I tuck my knees into my chest and lean forward.
It’s how I roll 😎
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The gift that keeps on giving
If you want to give a friend a gift he is sure to love, give him a refrigerator and watch his face light up when he opens it.
What do you call a sleepwalking nun?
A roamin’ Catholic.
What is the least spoken language in history?
Sign language.
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Hippo and Zippo
What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?
One is heavy and the other is a little lighter.
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Favorite Things
My three favorite things are eating my family and not using commas.
What is the difference between an Indian and African elephant?
One of them is an Indian.
A man is driving a van full of penguins and is pulled over by a cop…
“Sir,” says the policeman. “Are you aware that there are penguins in your van?”
“Yep,” says the man. “They’re my penguins. They belong to me.”
The policeman looks at the man in disbelief and then back at the penguins, who quack at him.
“Sir, I’m afraid this is unacceptable. I need you to take them to a zoo immediately.”
The man replies, “I’ll take them right away,” and drives off.
The next day, the police officer sees the same exact van driving by and to his astonishment, it is still full of penguins! He pulls the man over again, and notices that he and the penguins are all wearing sunglasses, sunscreen, and Hawaiian shirts.
The officer gapes and says, “Sir, I thought I told you to take these penguins to the zoo!”
“Yes, I did,” the man replies. “And today I’m taking them to the beach.”