What do you call a house during a full moon?
A were-house
What do you call a house during a full moon?
A were-house
What do you call a chicken that is staring in lettuce?
Chicken ceas-a-salad!
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Yoda lady.
Yoda lady who?
Stop yodeling.
How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh?
Ten tickles (tentacles)
If a Lama with one L is a holy man in Tibet, and a Llama with two L’s is a camel type animal… What’s a three L Lama?
A big fire in Boston.
Where does a horse go when it’s sick?
The horse-pital
A police officer pulls over a car for a traffic stop. The officer says, “I clocked you at 80 miles per hour, sir.” The driver replies, “Gee, officer, I had it on cruise control at 60; perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating.” Not looking up from her knitting, the driver’s wife says, “Now don’t be silly, dear. You know that this car doesn’t have cruise control.”
As the officer writes out the ticket, the driver looks over at his wife and growls, “Can’t you please keep your mouth shut for once?”
The wife smiles demurely and says, “Well, dear, you should be thankful your radar detector went off when it did or your speed would have been higher.”
As the officer makes out the second ticket for the illegal radar detector, the man glowers at his wife and says through clenched teeth, “Woman, can’t you keep your mouth shut?”
The officer frowns and says, “And I notice that you’re not wearing your seat belt, sir. That’s an automatic $75 fine.” The driver says, “Yeah, well, you see, officer, I had it on, but I took it off when you pulled me over so that I could get my license out of my back pocket.” The wife says, “Now, dear, you know very well that you didn’t have your seat belt on. You never wear your seat belt when you’re driving.”
And as the police officer is writing out the third ticket, the driver turns to his wife and barks, “Will you please be quiet?” The officer looks over at the woman and asks, “Does your husband always talk to you this way, ma’am?” She replies, “Only when he’s been drinking.”
A weasel walks into a bar. The bartender says, “Wow, I’ve never served a weasel before.” “What can I get for you?”
“Pop” goes the weasel.
A blonde woman visits her husband in prison. Before leaving, she tells a correction officer: “You shouldn’t make my husband work like that. He’s exhausted!”
The officer laughs and says, “Are you kidding? He just eats and sleeps and stays in his cell!”
The wife replies: “Bullsht! He just told me he’s been digging a tunnel for months!”
Do you know why melons need to have large weddings?
Because they cantaloupe.